Fleet Foxes Make The Best Album Of The Year...

. . . Says me. Buy it here and check out the two videos from their first full length album:

Like A Virgin?

A study released today finds that teenagers who take a virginity pledge are just as likely to have sex before marriage as teens who don't make said promise. Even more important is that among teens that have premarital sex, the percentage of teens who use protection is 10 points lower for teens who promised to remain abstinent. This may not be surprising because similar studies have come out before, but this one used the most rigorous standards to date. Hopefully two things come of this: 1.) Our government stops funding abstinence-only sex education programs because they don't work, and 2.) People stop having creepy "purity ceremonies," parties that look a lot like weddings except they serve sparkling apple juice instead of champagne and you get to dance with that old sweaty zealot you call your father instead of the man of your dreams.

Winning Hearts & Wangs

In the war in Afghanistan, the CIA has used incentives such as cash to get information from tribal leaders about Al Qaeda's whereabouts. Many of these tribal leaders are only loyal to their tribe and will easily switch sides in the war as long as there is something in it for them. Recently it has been revealed that a particular incentive has worked well to get Aghan leaders, many of which have 4 wives and are of old age, to help American forces: Viagra.

After a long conversation through an interpreter, the retired operator began to probe for ways to win the man's loyalty. A discussion of the man's family and many wives provided inspiration. Once it was established that the man was in good health, the pills were offered and accepted.
Four days later, when the Americans returned, the gift had worked its magic, the operative recalled.
"He came up to us beaming," the official said. "He said, 'You are a great man.' "
"And after that we could do whatever we wanted in his area."

Merry Christmas!!!!

Report: National's Wealthy Cruelly Deprived Of True Meaning Of Christmas

No-no

Dock Ellis, known for pitching a no hitter on LSD against the San Diego Padres and attempting to hit every batter of the Cincinnati Reds, died yesterday from liver problems. He was awaiting a transplant. Here is Ellis talking about his no hitter on LSD, in which the catcher had to wear reflective tape on his mitt so that Dock could see it:

I can only remember bits and pieces of the game. I was psyched. I had a feeling
of euphoria. I was zeroed in on the (catcher's) glove, but I didn't hit the
glove too much. I remember hitting a couple of batters and the bases were loaded
two or three times. The ball was small sometimes, the ball was large sometimes,
sometimes I saw the catcher, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I tried to stare the
hitter down and throw while I was looking at him. I chewed my gum until it
turned to powder. They say I had about three to four fielding chances. I
remember diving out of the way of a ball I thought was a line drive. I jumped,
but the ball wasn't hit hard and never reached me.

Whack Madoff or Mad Whack Off?

A recent report on the Securities & Exchange Commission gives us a glimpse into why the SEC failed to uncover Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme:

[Investigators] uncovered evidence that an employee who was still in his
probationary period had used his SEC laptop computer to attempt to access
Internet websites classified as containing pornography, resulting in hundreds of
access denials. The OIG investigation also disclosed that this employee
successfully bypassed the Commission’s Internet filter by using a flash drive.

So this guy tried to look at porn using a computer given to him by the government but was blocked hundreds of times (duh!). Still determined to view his precious porn, this government employee figured out that he could bypass the blocking software by using a flash drive (I'm assuming he used some sort of program to hide or change the incoming IP address). If only he practiced this kind of persistence and dedication in trying to stop a $50 billion fraud during a recession.

What A Dick!

White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten called up the Superfriends recently and organized a meeting of 13 former chiefs of staff, including Dick Cheney (from the exciting Ford administration!) to give some advice to incoming chief of staff Rahm "Rahmbo" Emanuel. Former Chief of Staff and current Vice President Dick Cheney had these words of wisdom for Rahm:

"The best thing you can do is keep your VP under control."

The room erupted with laughter.

Ha ha ha ha . . . lying to the American public . . . ha ha . . . torture . . . he ha . . . thousands of dead American soldiers . . . ha ha ha . . . unlawful surveillance . . . ho ho . . . manipulating intelligence . . . ha ha ha . . . deaths of thousands of innocent Iraqis . . . oh oh . . . trillions of dollars wasted . . . ha . . . loss of respect for our nation in the international community . . . hehehe . . . shooting someone in the face . . . ha ha ha ha . . . wiping his ass with the Constitution . . . aha ha ha ha!!! Oh, good times.

My Left Foot

Two and a half months ago, the parents of Sam Esquibel found out there was a tumor in the newborn's son's brain. When doctors operated, they found two feet, a hand, and a thigh. This is a picture of what they found. And just so you know, Sam is doing fine. Read full details here.

Phish at Bonnaroo? (And the Boss, too?)

Let the rumors fly! Rolling Stone reported yesterday that, according to "reliable sources," the furry foursome will be headlining Bonnaroo for two nights this year. The Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival will be held June 11-14 in Manchester, TN. While the members of Phish have played Bonnaroo before, this would be the first time that all four would be playing together, and more importantly, as Phish.

For the past few years, the festival has featured headliners such as Metallica, Radiohead, and Pearl Jam, but the festival was created in 2002 out of the jam band scene that Phish helped create. If it wasn't for Phish's success, earned through non-stop touring, this dirty zeppelin would have never gotten off of the ground. Hopefully their performance brings Bonnaroo full circle and the whole muddy farm in Tennessee blows up and only leaves a faint scent of patchouli. While I had a great time the year I went (2003), I can't even imagine what the scene would be like now.

Rolling Stone is also reporting, "with some legitimacy," that Bruce Springsteen will be the headliner on Sunday night, the final night of the festival. The Super Bowl and Bonnaroo in the same year? The Boss is definitely still the Boss.

While these are just rumors now, Bonnaroo should be releasing their lineup and schedule within a couple of months. But tickets are available now. And the longer you wait the more expensive they get. Go to http://bonnarootickets.com/ for information.

Phish is also played three sold out shows in Hampton, VA as a reunion. If you have tickets but are having a hard time finding a place to stay, may be these kind folks can help you out.

The Stupidest Man In The Room

Rod Blagojevich. Amazing hair. Less than amazing intellect.

I'm sure everyone has heard already about the Governor of Illinois' arrest and his love of the words "motherfucker" and "fucking." This man tried to sell Obama's former Senate seat (possibly to Jesse Jackson, Jr.) in addition to doing many other stupid things, like intimidating the editorial board of the Chicago Tribune. I wouldn't mess with a newspaper's editorial board, especially if I was in politics. And I certainly wouldn't talk about selling a Senate seat . . . on the phone . . . when I knew I was under investigation . . . and that the FBI would be listening to my phone calls.

Like President-Elect Obama and many others have already stated, I believe this guy should step down. But he won't. But he will eventually. He just wants to be a dick about it. God, he has beautiful hair.

What I don't get about this guy is that, yes, he could have benefitted from being able to appoint Obama's replacement. This is politics. Of course whoever you pick is going to owe you big time. A Senate seat is a big deal, a step towards the presidency, and that will be remembered. You could even be a little blatant about it probably, but you should expect the returns on this investment down the road. You can't look for something up front. This guy could have totally gotten away with being an immoral douchebag, but unfortunately he was a stupid-ass greedy immoral douchebag. So for that reason I say, "Rod Blagovanivichejevichneikoffneivich, sit your sorry white ass down."

By the way, I don't think J squared did anything wrong. Probably someone in his staff said that he would help Rod raise some campaign money down the road. Sure. Doesn't surprise me in politics, especially Chicago. But I seriously don't think it was with his expressed approval.

". . . motherfucker [the President-Elect] his senator. Fuck him. For nothing? Fuck him."

A Senate seat "is a fucking valuable thing, you just don't give it away for nothing."

Mob Wars

Mob Wars. The only good thing about Facebook. Why can't I stop? It's like huffing glue without the headache.

All You Need Is Love

Today is the 28th anniversary of John Lennon's death. He was more than a musician and a songwriter. He was a visionary. He was able to see through the bullshit in the world. He would do whatever he could to make the world a better place, if that meant simply singing a song. Songs like "All You Need is Love", "Power to the People", and "Give Peace A Chance" were both simple and powerful. The message was/is direct. There was no beating around the bush with these songs. The message was the lyric, the song title, the chorus sung over and over like a mantra. Through his songwriting, the purest statement became the most artistic.

Now that we've reached the holiday season, we'll be hearing "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" in our shopping malls and on the local oldies station that turns to all-holiday-music-all-the-time for 2 months. Thank Jesus and Santa that this song gets play, and next time you hear it, listen to the words: "War is over if you want it / War is over now." These lyrics are so appropriate right now. We have soldiers fighting in a foreign land who won't be able to be with their families this holiday season. And we have an incoming president that embodies the kind of optimism and hope that these lyrics express.

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream.

A dream you dream together is reality."

Happy Weekend!!!!

You Can Train Goldfish????

Watch this video. Words can not describe this. Apparently, there is stuff like this all over YouTube.

Here is my reaction:

Wilco Update, Part Deux

Wilco warmed up for Neil Young again last night, this time in Montreal. This was the show I was going to go to, if any. I didn't (I'm looking at you subprime lenders and borrowers that ruined our financial system and created the credit crunch). Looks like the setlist was pretty much the same as Halifax, as expected. The only changes they made were to axe "California Stars" and "Via Chicago", and replace them with "I Am Trying To Break Your Heart" and "The Late Greats." I'm guessing this was partly because Tweedy flubbed the lyrics to "California Stars" on Saturday, and the live version of "Via Chicago" contains quite a bit of sonic chaos that might not be easily digested if you're not expecting it or have never seen Wilco before.

Correction: The Flaming Lips are not playing in Rochester. Sorry!!!!!!!!

Bye, Mike. We Hardly Knew Ya'...

Nov 18, 2002: Traded to the Braves from the Marlins
2003: Pitches 31 games (14-8)
2004: Pitches 29 games (13-9)
2005: Pitches 12 games (5-3)
Aug. 19, 2005: Elbow injury versus Padres
Sept. 25, 2005: Tommy John surgery
2006: Out for the season rehabbing
Mar 7, 2007: Tears oblique muscle, misses entire season due to recurring elbow pain
Apr 3, 2008: Strains his pectoral muscle while warming up for first game since 2005
July 26, 2008: Returns to the mound after almost three years, versus the Phillies
Aug 5, 2008: Gets his first win in 3 years, pitching 7 innings, allowing 4 hits and 2 earned runs
Dec 1, 2008: Agrees to 1-year $2 million deal (plus $2 million in incentives) with the Astros


Thanks for the ups and downs, Mike. Two time All-Star, NLCS MVP, and the first pitcher to win both the Gold Glove and Silver Slugger awards in the same season, Mike-freaking-Hampton.

Wilco Update: Current Tour Dates and Latest Tracks

Correction: The Flaming Lips are not playing Rochester. I accept no responsibility for believing whatever I read on the internet.

Wilco is back on tour, as of last night, warming up for Mr. Neil "Old Man" Young. This leg of Neil Young's tour, with Everest and Wilco opening, kicked off last night in Halifax, NS, Canada. Here's a preliminary set list (I wasn't there). If you have corrections, please leave in the comments section, or I'll update once it's on WilcoBase.

You Are My Face, War On War, Handshake Drugs, Jesus Etc., Impossible Germany, Via Chicago, California Stars, Hate It Here, Walken, I'm The Man Who Loves You

Pretty great set. Lots of rockers and crowd-pleasers. Hopefully the Neil-faithful got a kick out of it. What an honor it has to be for the band to warm up for Neil-freakin'-Young. I'm going to pay close attention to this tour and keep my fingers crossed that there is some Wilco/Young musical cross-pollination. Here's the rest of Wilco's dates for the year:

12/01 - Montreal, QC - Bell Centre @
12/02 - Ottawa, ON - Scotia Bank Place @
12/04 - Toronto, ON - Air Canada Centre @
12/05 - Toronto, ON - Air Canada Centre @
12/06 - Rochester, NY - Auditorium Theater # $
12/07 - Detroit, MI - The Palace of Auburn Hills @
12/12 - Philadelphia, PA - Wachovia Spectrum @
12/13 - Worcester, MA - DCU Center @
12/14 - Baltimore, MD - Lyric Opera House # $
12/15 - New York, NY - Madison Square Garden @
12/16 - New York, NY - Madison Square Garden @

@ - Supporting Neil Young w/ Everest
# - Headlining
$ - Sold Out

In other Wilco news, they have a new album scheduled for release sometime this Spring. While I don't expect much new stuff to be debuted while they are warming up for Neil, hopefully they'll pull out some brand-spanking-new tunes at either Rochester (I'm jealous, Tim.) or Baltimore. In the meantime, here's all the songs they've debuted this year that will hopefully show up on the next LP (or at least EP):

"One Wing" from 7/26/2008 - The Moose's Tooth, Anchorage, AK
"Sunny Feeling" from 7/26/2008 - The Moose's Tooth, Anchorage, AK
"You And I" by Jeff Tweedy from 9/03/2008 - Auditorium de Palma de Mallorca, Spain
"Untitled 10/25" from 10/25/2008 - Bridge School Benefit, Mountain View, CA
"Untitled 10/26" from 10/26/2008 - Bridge School Benefit, Mountain View, CA

Bonus: Here's a video of Wilco playing "One Wing" at this summer's Lollapalooza in Chicago:

Led Zeppelin on YouTube

From Gibson.com:

In still another hopeful sign that something is afoot in the Led Zeppelin camp, the legendary band has posted some 76 videos of itself throughout its career on its very own YouTube channel.
While the front page of the site says the band “joined” YouTube on Jan. 17, 2006, the UK’s Times Online is reporting that the mostly bootleg videos were just posted.
Among the extraordinary nuggets are footage from such noteworthy shows as San Francisco in 1973, the infamous Oakland shows from 1977, all of the Los Angeles shows from 1975 and 1977, Philadelphia 1975, and Iceland 1970, among many others. The videos are interspersed with footage of various interviews with the band, as well as bits and pieces of the live footage available on Led Zeppelin’s DVD.

One Vanilla Dutch Master, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSE

This one goes out to Uncle Louis. Happy Black Friday, y'all.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

It's that time of the year again that we all gather around the dinner table with our loved ones and be thankful for the fact that we can stuff our faces with turkey and booze and fall asleep on the couch with football on.

And thanks, NFL, for these great Thanksgiving day matchups. Let's see, we have the 10-1 Titans playing the 0-11 Lions. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and pick Tennessee. Second game is the 2-9 Seahawks playing the 7-4 Cowboys in Dallas. Dallas' record would be even better if good samaritan Tony Romo hadn't broken his poor little pinky. I got to give this one to the Cowboys. Their offense should do great today. T.O. is on fire now that Romo is back, and Seattle's defense is crap this year. The third game has something to do with the Cardinals and the Eagles. One quarterback is old, and the other is black. It's kind of like the presidential election except no one will be watching because it's on the NFL Network. (I'm taking the Cards to upset the Eagles.)

Titans (10-1) at Lions (0-11), 12:30pm, CBS
Seahawks (2-9) at Cowboys (7-4), 4:15pm, FOX

Cardinals (7-4) at Eagles (5-5), 8:15pm, NFL

Arrested Development Movie: It's Really Happening!!!

Now, I'll admit I deserve some blame for this show getting cancelled. I didn't get into it until after it was cancelled. I'd check it out once in a while when it was on but couldn't get into it because it's the kind of show you have to watch beginning to end. Each season is written so well, there are inside jokes and references to other episodes weaved through out the show. (If you're still late to the game, you can watch all the episodes for free, with minimal commercial interruptions, on hulu.com here.)

Now, if you're getting sick of Jeffrey Tambor's continuous teases about an upcoming movie, we've finally get an official confirmation that doesn't sound like a cry for attention. Producer Ron Howard and creator/writer/director Mitchell Hurwitz have signed a deal to make an Arrested Development movie. At this point there's no script, and I've heard rumors that Michael Cera won't sign on because he doesn't want to be type-cast as George Michael Bluth (First of all, Michael, you're good as George Michael. Your character in Juno, which I liked, was the same character. Don't hold your breath to be named the next James Bond. If you only know one song, sing like you mean it). But this is great news. And if you don't believe me, listen to Opie.

Barack Obama on ABC tonight at 10pm

Tonight at 10pm, ABC is airing an interview with Barack and Michelle Obama conducted by Bawbwa Walters. Here's an early excerpt. This has to be one of the coolest things a president-elect has ever said:

OBAMA: . . . [O]ne of the things I hope my presidency helps to usher in is a, a return to an ethic of responsibility. That if you're placed in a position of power, then you've got responsibilities to your workers. You've got a responsibility to your community. Your share holders. That if -- there's got to be a point where you say, 'You know what, I have enough, and now I'm in this position of responsibility, let me make sure that I'm doing right by people, and, and acting in a way that is responsible.' And that's true, by the way, for members of congress, that's true for the president, that's true for cabinet members, that's true for parents. I want all of us to start thinking a little bit more, not just about what's good for me, but let's start thinking about what's good for our children, what's good for our country. The more we do that, the better off we're going to be.

And later on:

OBAMA: "One of the worst things I think that could happen to a president is losing touch with what people are going through day to day . . . I want to make sure that I keep my finger on the pulse of the struggles that people are going through every day."

I've been trying to remain cynical about Obama's presidency. We're facing some very tough times, and there are a lot of things that need to get done. A lot of promises are made on the campaign trail. I don't want to get too excited; I just want to wait and see. He ain't even President, yet. But these excerpts from this interview have got to get you all hot and bothered about the former junior senator from Illinois. When you don't hear things like this from politicians, you don't expect to. And when you do, how sweet it is! So, join me in getting all fired up, watch the interview tonight, and check out this great video that was forwarded to me (thanks, Mom). This video almost makes me want to like Coldplay.

All I Want for Christmas...

Times are tough this year. We're not getting Christmas bonuses here at my workfarm, but some CEO's have proven slick enough to get golden parachutes through the taxpayer-funded bailout (see here). Well, if anyone wants to get me something for Christmas, get me a golden parachute (parachute, not shower). I don't want money; I want an actual golden parachute. And I want matching golden alligator shoes. Not alligator shoes that are gold, golden alligator shoes. I want an alligator fed gold bars from birth until it turns gold. Then kill it and turn it into shoes.

Blitzen Trapper: Live on Minnesota Public Radio

If you haven't heard Blitzen Trapper, you should check them out. They kind of remind me of Pavement (they've been touring with former-Pavementer Stephen Malkmus, which is a good fit), but with an earthier feel. They were recently on Conan (watch here). Earlier in the month, they played a few songs live in the studio for Minnesota Public Radio. Check these out here. Oh, and make sure you pick up their latest record Furr.

Have You Met Skippy?

Does this guy look crazy? It's John Podesta, head of Obama's transition team. Apparently, he is. See this from the Washington Post:

Anyone who has worked for Podesta in the past decade knows Skippy, who first appeared during Podesta's eventful years as chief of staff in the Clinton White House. As scandal rocked the end of that presidency, staffers knew they had better come prepared to meetings. Otherwise, nurturing mentor John would be replaced by Skippy -- Podesta's quick-tempered, edgy and sarcastic alter ego.
"You haven't seen him in this meeting, have you?" the transition co-chairman for Barack Obama says with a laugh, noting that many a reporter has met Skippy.

Here is my original artist's rendering of what Skippy might look like:

Lose Weight, Lose Funny

Horatio Sanz from SNL lost 100 lbs. What's up with that? Not that he was ever that funny, but everybody knows funny fat guys who lose weight, lose the funny. Horatio, what do you have to say?

"I've been eating better," he admitted. "I've been trying to come up with a joke about how I've lost weight and I was going to say, 'I stopped putting nuts in my sundaes.'"

See what I'm saying? That's really unfunny. Good luck, Horatio.

P.S. Have you ever met a skinny Horatio?

Christmas Time = Present Time!!!!!!!

Alert: If you're looking for a good present for a fan of good music (such as myself) or want to update your CD collection, Amazon.com has Bob Dylan box sets on sale for $25 right now.

Biograph, the ultimate Greatest Hits collection plus previously unreleased tracks and performances spanned over 3 great discs.

The Bootleg Series, Vol. 1-3, a 3 disc collection of outtakes and rarities covering his career from the early 60's through the late 80's. A great insight into the master's process. Hear "Like A Rolling Stone," Subterranean Homesick Blues," or "Idiot Wind" how they weren't intended and listen to the tracks Dylan thought weren't good enough for the albums (they're still pretty damn good).

Greatest Hits, Vol. 1-3, The three Greatest Hits albums released throughout his career (1967, 1971, and 1994, respectively) collected in one place on 4 discs. These discs are not normal retrospectives looking back on an aging rock star. These were released while he was still putting out great records (and he still is), and are iconic albums in and of themselves, especially Vol. 1 & 2. Who didn't have those on vinyl (or at least steal them from their parents)?

The Mad Detective

I just saw this film out of Hong Kong called The Mad Detective, or Sun taam. It's about a talented former police detective with special powers who is brought back to work on a crime. Some really freaky stuff going on here. It is a fabulous flick with great dialogue. Why is it that every recent movie I've seen out of Asia is awesome?

Bob Dylan / Johnny Cash 1969 Sessions

I've been listening to these recordings of Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash playing together. Great stuff. It's incredible to hear these two legends interact with each other. Even though Bob Dylan was already a legend at this point, you can tell Cash is the leader. Check them out here: http://www.aquariumdrunkard.com/2008/11/18/bob-dylanjohnny-cash-1968-sessions/

Good Morning

The info in About Me (to your right) was taken from this wonderful article by Jack Handey (yes, the Deep Thoughts guy): How I Want To Be Remembered. Here's some more of this fabulous stuff:

He was fabulously wealthy, but he would pretend to be broke, and often tried to borrow cigarettes and money from people. Little did they know that those who gave him stuff would later be rewarded in his will, with jewels and antigravity helmets. Women who refused to have sex with him are probably wishing that they could turn back the clock and say yes.